Recently, I was interviewed for an on - line radio grandstand play; the topic of discussion was awareness and recollection as paths to consciousness. Here are the questions and my answers. May my answers be food for study and avow you to more intensely see about your own life.
The first query asked me to talk about self - awareness from my perspective and why it is important. My answer: Let me start by defining awareness. It is material that has brought you to this present moment - your beliefs, emotions, feelings, and reactions to all your life experiences. Awareness includes device you have taken in and are taking in with your five wisdom: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell, as well as using your sixth sense of intuition. Much of our awareness is unconscious to us. As we study ourselves, we become more and more self - aware. This is the key to improving judgment - making; to make choices that are in pattern with what we want to create in our lives.
Dispute symbol two asked me to talk about thought and consciousness as paths to self - awareness. Here is my answer: Reminiscence comes from the Buddhist tradition and is about propitious attention to what is happening to us now, in the present moment. It is tuning - in to all experiences, both the good - reflex ones and the negative - reaction ones, in standardization to feel, learn, and know what is going on within. Instead of shying away from the negative, we stay present and really experience whatever is going on, just as we do when we have fun, jocund experiences. This builds self - awareness and leads to more aware choices in the planned.
Much of the time we aren ' t really thriving attention to what is currently happening to us, or to the people with whom we spend time. Instead, we daydream about what we will do in the forthcoming or go over and over something in our mind that happened in the bygone. We find ourselves emotionally reacting to other people or situations when they surprise or bother us, moderately than being able to make better choices with our words, actions, and responses. When mindful, we really participate in our moment - to - moment experiences - motor response them, enjoying them, or learning from them. Practicing reminiscence moves us in the direction of greater self - awareness, which allows us the power of choice and to get the most out of our life day to day.
Consciousness is a very expansive thing to image. One way to ken consciousness is that it is the Universal Intelligence ( Idol, Universe ) in which we all live and change and have our being. It is the Source of our existence, our creativity, imagination, intuition, inner bright, and unconditional love; and it is what responds to our thoughts, feelings, and prayers. To expand our unique consciousness makes us more and more consciously aware.
One way to build conscious awareness is to learn to look below the surface of our experiences. I ' ll use an iceberg to ornament consciousness. What is known and conscious to us relates to the part of the iceberg sizable the water. The larger part of the iceberg, however, is below the surface and unconscious to us. To improve the quality of our lives to become self - aware, it is important to go below the surface to look at our name - personalities - the issues, patterns, sinewy responses, fears, habits, and attitudes that we want to change. Looking below the surface of our problems and issues, we find causes and, wherefore, have more information available to help us change, heal, and grow.
An case of how I grew in self - awareness by looking below the surface to savvy an belief involved Girl Scout cookies. A few caducity ago I had an agreement with myself to eat healthier foods. So that juncture I chose to not buy Girl Scout cookies; however, my two teenage daughters did and kept them in their lodgings. One morning one daughter and I got in a heated argument as she isolated the house for enlighten. I was perceiving fit to be tied and had tenacity in my stomach and wipe out; and I had no way to communicate my side of the argument at that moment. What did I do? I marched upstairs and opened a box of Thin Mints I found in one of the girls ' barracks and began eating them until I constant down. Of course a few minutes later I was ablaze at myself for breaking the agreement with myself to eat healthier.
I diary - ghost when I am disordered. With that process, what I unimpeded below the surface of my awareness that day was that I had a need to not feel my uncomfortable feelings and wanted to quickly get back to a in order, peaceful morning as I had planned. Unfortunately, I did this by eating chocolate and sugar. I then kept writing about the whereabouts, my feelings, what I wanted to say to my daughter, and what I wanted to do next time I got so blue. Basically, I wanted to be more mindful in the forthcoming when these situations come up, to feel the dolorous feelings and not run away from them, and to notebook - draft instead of eating cookies. This was new to me - to stop avoiding and to go into my unpleasant feelings. More insights would surface with recur journaling.
To repeat, there are two important ways to build consciousness and shift us along on the path of self - awareness. One is to practice being more mindful in the moment and the second is to be more conscious of what is really going on below the surface of our experiences. Self - awareness really is the key to greater freedom and happiness.
The next question asked me to ornament a real life " success story " site a couple made a difference in their relationship by becoming more mindful and conscious of their interactions.
One couple came to mind. Ted and Warble started their marriage like a lot of people do - unconsciously. After a pace, each was very troubled about the marriage. They sought competent help which made a huge difference in their lives; and they are very gladly married to this day.
Ted didn ' t have many male friends and depended upon his wife to be his " best main man, " fiancee, and confidante. He was resentful that Warble wanted to spend time with her friends; it much seemed she enjoyed herself more with friends than she did with him. More attribute of the seat was that Ted had a successful career but didn ' t feel totally fulfilled in his job, so he expected fulfillment to come from his marriage.
The more Ted demanded time with his wife, the more resentful she became and the more she pulled away from him emotionally. Sometimes Sing would cancel other plans to be with Ted, but only to avoid an argument and his anger. Over time, trying to please her manage created hostility in Trill.
Therapy helped this couple and they each took importance for the part they were playing in this play once it became clear. Time was spent figuring out the cause of the wife ' s nicety and to encourage the provide to create some fulfilling things to do exterior of work and home.
Sing remembered her parents ' commonplace and hostile marriage. They worked together every day and never seemed to have time apart from one augmented. When she remembered her parents, Chorus oral it did not feel good to be around them as they were scrimpy to each other and fought a lot. As conflict grew in her own marriage, Chant wanted space, so she would not repeat what she experimental her parents doing. This perspicacity helped Chorus be more mindful that there were more options than smartly getting away from her keep. For case, she and Ted could have honest discussions about her needs and they could learn constructive ways to resolve conflict.
Ted looked at his issues too and was confident to find more things to do with his spare time.
He learned it was satisfying to get involved with charity work and sports with other males. This enabled him to develop closer friendships with other men who retaliated common interests. Suddenly, he wasn ' t waiting around for his wife anymore. Her respect for him grew, which caused her to want to be with him more. She no longer felt bonded for Ted ' s happiness. Once both gained comprehension into their reserved family histories and took subjection for changing themselves, they grew individually and as a couple. Their growth and awareness continues today, many second childhood later.
Interrogation digit four asked my views about teaching children and ignorance these concepts before they face reinforcing. My answer: The most powerful way to help our children is to start with ourselves. We can only teach and model what we are, what we swear by, and what we know. Without self - awareness and the crave to look below the surface of our issues, we repeat counterproductive patterns our parents and society taught us.
Take self - esteem, for example, which we all know is important in healthy development. High self - esteem requires learning to have an internal sense of power or inner sense of " okayness. " It is about becoming strong within, to be less affected by what others say and do. Self - awareness is of prime importance to children and youth in learning to shift to this inner place of consciousness.
If we, as parents, talk negatively to ourselves in our own minds, we automatically talk to our children with the same language. If we talk critically to our spouse or talk negatively about her / him to others, our children marshal up on these feelings and are hurt emotionally.
To certainly influence our children ' s self - esteem, at any age, we need to build our own self - esteem first. We start wherever we are, and take the next step in updating our negative beliefs and self - talk. As you stop cogitation and criticizing yourself, you will find your self - talk becomes more indulgent, loving and applicable, and that the words accession out of your aperture towards others will be different. As you build your awareness through self - inquiring, reading books, listening to Recording ' s of wise teachers, or going to therapy, you wonder on better thoughts and feelings to your family. One person in a family system can indeed impression the whole system. Mount with yourself.
Next, I was asked, " Anyone that works in your field knows that we are very much influenced by our unconscious mind. What can you say about understanding and force with our unconscious better? "
If I had to capture one thing to help one become savvy of the unconscious, it would be to spend quality time with yourself each day. Here the essay is self - poll, to know yourself at a besides level through cast, meditation, and contingency. Other things that build self - awareness and help you learn what is subservient the emerge are the hard by:
1. Read a few pages each day in a self - help decamp that you find applies to your personal challenges and issues.
2. Pay praise to your thoughts and feelings. Daybook - indite about your conflicts to grant them to become more versed to you. Feel your feelings - drumming if you need to, feel your overwrought and anger if you need to; acquiesce feelings inside of you to occur.
3. Timepiece your dreams and daydreams. Look for patterns and messages about your issues, actions, about what you really want. If, for sampling, you incubus about writing a leave regularly, take this as a reflective tidings from your unconscious. If you dream about moving over and over, you may need to look at your current living whereabouts and consult that the unconscious is nudging you in a new direction, not necessarily to procedure physically, but to do something different to get unstuck emotionally.
4. Heed if you are envious of anyone. Ask yourself what they have that you want in your life. Then use them as a role model. Dig them to learn how they accomplish what you want to create.
5. Psychotherapy is a utilitarian way to look at yourself and your problems, to stirring beyond conditioning from the past, and to find good solutions to life ' s dilemmas.
6. Ask people you trust to give you honest feedback about you. What do they examine as your strengths and weaknesses? Use this tidily as a consideration of some things that may be in your blind spot.
7. Revoke to acknowledge the things that are working in your life to build gratitude awareness. Make a record every day of the things you are thankful for.
Question quantity six asked me to teach personal power as used in my book, Enlightening Cinderella. Here is what I uttered. Personal power is about taking rap for your own life. This begins with self - study and becoming a self - aware indivisible. It includes building a strong foundation of self - esteem and updating unavailing beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, and habits to healthy ones. The more you learn yourself, the wiser your choices and ability to solve your problems. It is not about using power over enhanced individual, only with yourself.
Next I was to talk about our bodies and the mind - body connection. We can learn a lot about ourselves through our body awareness. Each hunger, pain, symptom, or sickness is a whole new language to learn, when we want to follow the metaphor of our symptoms. Our bodies resonate our consciousness and our unsettled emotional issues get buried within our physical bodies.
There are some very considerate authors I turn to when I am ill or want to dig what is behind my physical issues. Louise Straw ' s book, You Can Heal Your Life and Gal Shapiro ' s book, Your Body Speaks Your Mind are very powerful resources. Your own meditations are important here too.
The final interrogation asked me to share some personal stories on the topics discussed and relate how I have suitable them to my life as a wife, super-colossal, or learned person.
I could talk about all three areas for hours. Let ' s start with my life as a whopping. It was not until the birth of my inquiring daughter that I was introduced to information about self - esteem. I had a master ' s degree in counseling and I study I knew a lot about raising children. The whole area of emotional development and health were in my blind spot.
Fortunately life brought me new information. My control was transferred to a job in Thibodaux, LA in 1979 and I was hired to teach student development courses at Nicholls St. University. Guess what part of the curriculum was. It was building the students ' self - esteem, so that they would do better academically.
L. S. Barksdale ' s, Building Self - Esteem, was part of the course. I learned so much that future. We stayed in Thibodaux less than a go; however, a dear buddy I met while teaching there gave me and important book, Your Child ' s Self - Esteem by Dorothy Briggs.
I could regard so much I needed to incorporate in my parenting and marriage. It was not a small job. However, I stayed with it and over the second childhood I can discern many important changes in my family. My grown children know so much more than I did in many areas: self - esteem, communicating, creating what they want, healing themselves, etc. They are passing on the good stuff I introduced to them to their kids. It was a long process, archetypal with healing myself first and then introducing ideas to my family. If I can become more aware and conscious, then I know you can too, especially with all the good information available to you on emotional intelligence.
May the ideas presented here inspire you on your personal journey of expanding awareness through camera-eye and consciousness.
