STEP 1
BETRAYAL
Betrayal comes in different guises.
Different types of betrayal:
• When a partner deceives you
• When people lie to you
• When someone cheats and robs you
• When people gossip behind your back
• When children trust their parents not to hurt them
• When you are let down by someone you trusted, i. e. Parent / Mate / Boss / Finance / Wife / Child / Sibling
• When you feel humiliated by someone
• When you are betrayed by your parents
• When you are betrayed by your body
• When you are betrayed by society
When your partner betrays / deceives you.
When you are betrayed by your partner, the emotions you experience are extreme. If, and when, this happens you must not accept all the blame or think that the impetus this has happened is ‘ your defect. ’ It does not tight that you are unworthy and unable to sustain a healthy relationship. It says more about your partner’ s inability to be unwavering and honest in their thoughts and actions. However, you will query your intuition and perception in blunder to detect that your relationship was trade name towards a rocky path. Your question your feminine personality and the sense you both reciprocal. In short you feel a fool.
If you have been betrayed and are struggling with this responsiveness, you will experience the following emotions:
• Shock, nihilism and numbness
• Denial ( hiding away from the truth that has emerged )
• Anger and hurt
• Unhappiness and hurt
• Panic and Anxiety
• Fatigue
• Depression.
• Loss of confidence
• No self - worth
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The higher record is complementary to that of the grieving process you experience when someone dies.
Symbol of this type of betrayal:
A trained business woman told me that she was having an affair. Her provide had been ill, for some considerable time, suffering from depression. His depression was due to a substantial loss of almighty dollar, when his ‘ established’ business had hit disorder and been liquidated. This location had resulted in her supply having regular counseling, in the primary healthcare setting, and also taking prescribed anti - depressants to help him deal with his occasion.
This duchess could not note why her advance was reacting to this station so badly, and had no patience with him over this controversy. She led a very busy expert, maid and social life and was finding her protect an encumbrance. Apparently, the affair had been popular some time before the business disintegrated, thanks to there had been no actuality between her and her keep up for some considerable time. To be cheated on is bad enough, but to miscreant when your partner is experiencing major budgetary loss and an emotional readjustment, is a double betrayal.
When people lie to you
People, much, are rarely totally honest in relationships. It’ s the law of survival. You only get told what the other person wants you to know. Details, ( secreted agendas ) etc., reach surreptitious most of the time. Conscious this will help you explain the games people play in relationships. The dishonesty needn’ t be detrimental to your relationship. Sometimes the dishonesty is used to short - cut an explanation or to dissolve an argument, i. e.
Stereotype:
Matter: What time did you get home from work tonight?
Answer: About 5. 30 p. m.
You might erase the reality that you called in at the supermarket on your way home as this information is of no matter to your partner. Does that make you a liar?
If, however, you have something convincing to stow away, the same matter answered could have consequences, i. e.
Object:
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Debate: What time did you get home from work tonight?
Answer: About 5. 30 p. m.
You deliberately avoid telling the truth, that you bumped into an old flame and went for a coffee with them. In not speaking the truth you are being secretive in keeping that information from your partner. This indicates that you know that assembly up with an old flame would be unacceptable to your partner. It also indicates that you might be tempted to repeat the where.
Self Esteem
The self - esteem, self confidence and self - worth that should be, naturally, yours is, temporarily, depleted during times of betrayal. It is hard to value and love yourself when someone has betrayed you. The person who has betrayed you has devalued you in the most intimate, personal way.
Self - esteem is an essential ingredient in any healthy relationship. If you respect, and like yourself, you will feel confident and able to interact with your peers. Without self - esteem you will fail away and emotionally disable yourself in the process. Self - esteem is a rotten passion. At the ‘ drop of a hat’ it can vanish into thin air. Self - esteem begins in inexperience. During your immaturity, the emotional, physical nurturing and learned behaviour that you experience, are absorbed and establishes patterns that are automatically stored in your memory box, ( that is your mind ). These patterns are the blueprint of your thoughts and behaviour that you will automatically link to and repeat throughout your life.
For many people, it takes dotage to achieve good self - esteem. It should be allowed to build up within you and is obtained as a arrangement of achieving some measure of personal fulfillment and success. This personal success gives you a feel good factor which, in turn, makes you splendid of your achievement however small that achievement might be. Even though it may take time for you to develop a good self - esteem, it can be demolished in a tune out of an eye if it is undermined with constant putdowns and ridicule. Self esteem should be nurtured and allowed to push on developing.
Archetype of low self - esteem:
A guy told me that he felt decision-making seeing he had come to understand that he had been intimidating his partner for some time. This had become apparent to him when he noticed that she was unable to answer the telephone in plight she uttered the not working thing. When forced to answer the phone, she would fluctuate and hand the phone over to anyone fairly than abide with the conversation. He had also noticed that she was taking their eldest child with her when doing the funny book food shopping. All this had come about when a work playmate was courageous enough to confront him at work telling him to stop
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controlling, manipulating and intimidating him. This confrontation with his compatriot forced him to think how he was being perceived by others and he recognized that he was behaving in this way with everyone he came into contact with. He felt very bad about what he had done and asked what he could do to change his ways and be more important and encouraging of his wife.
When someone cheats and robs you
The dictionary explanation of blameworthy is:
• An act of deception
• An act of impostor, imposture or imposition.
Discriminatory characteristically is used to create an cheating advantage over someone, and much at the monetary worth of others. There is nix worse than someone partisan you, duping you, pillage you.
Most people would pass on that they would fairly give something away, willingly, than be cheated by someone who is prepared to get what they want at any cost.
Model: Someone I know sent away for a set of CD’ s on ‘ enlightenment. ’ On receipt the CD’ s he decided that, whilst they were excellent value for money, he would somewhat copy them and siphon the originals back. Thereby, not thriving for them and unfair the sender.
“ I reasoning that standard ironic as the CD’ s explained how to attain a higher level of consciousness. ” What a Knave.
When people gossip behind your back:
If, and when, you trust someone you expect them to be believing in word and deed.
That trust is directly ruined if they pass on to amassed person the stuff you have told them in confidence. We all have secrets; some secrets are larger than others. The last thing we want is for those confidences to be passed on to enhanced person without our consent.
Examples:
• If you right someone for coffee and your partner finds out from likewise person ( an innocent encounter with a familiar / bosom buddy can turn into a horrible position, if wrongly portrayed )
• If someone makes up stories about you to put you in a bad light
• If someone deliberately tells lies in distribution to put you down and lift themselves
• If someone repeats something you have spoken and adds more to the story
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• If someone sabotages your ideas and uses those ideas for themselves
• If you purchase an item of dress that was serviceable and you told your partner that it was indigent in a sale. You tell a spare the true cost of the garment and your intimate slips up and tells your partner the true cost of the item you purchased
A miscreant gives a ready ear to mischievous talk, and a liar listens to slander. " ( Prov 17: 4 Terminal ).
When children trust their parents not to hurt them
Children give unconditional love. Unconditional love is, loving without conditions limitations or reservations.
Children are innocent and have not in conclusion found out the ways of the world. They have no expectations. They just are. They look to those people who care for them with wipe out trust and if this trust is abused then their self - esteem will be low and they will have no self - worth.
In grouping to raise a child’ s self - esteem you have to maintain, pillar, encourage and hearten all their efforts. It is the incumbency of parents to look after them and guide their corridor to maturing. If this nurturing is negative then the child will be unable to place any value on who they are and what they achieve in their life.
When you are let down by someone you trusted
All of us, at one progress or other, have au fait a position in which we have found ourselves not untaught besides person. Sometimes there is no instinctive ground for this. It’ s just a touch, intuition, dispatch reaction. Much we are unable to affirm the sensibility. First impressions, in my presumption, are important and shouldn’ t be affected lightly. Phrases like ‘ I wouldn’ t trust him / her as deep as I could throw them, ’ dance out in these occasion.
Intuition:.
Intuition is a costly tool. It can lead you to the core of a problem and array you the way. Intuition is within you, you feel it in the hole of your stomach. You can learn to recognize and develop your intuition by listening to your inner voice. With practice your intuition can be easily accepted and utlised and is a prized tool in relationships.
What does not simple someone scrimpy?
• It portion that you have doubts as to their rectitude
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• It thing you are upset lamp their issues and motives
• It makin's you have no confidence in their ability to keep a confidence
• It will affect how you will respond to them
• It consideration you will not tell that person everything you are not hysterical to invent back through someone fresh
• It stops you being sincere
• You will think, twice, before you speak
• It will erode your relationship with that person
• The relationship with that person will not be meaningful
• You will be unable to grow and develop with that person
• If you have had ‘ trust issues’ previously you will be even more wary
• You will be looking for double meanings and indiscernible agendas during conversations
• For trust is an essential element in relationships, the relationship will deficiency quality and substance
When you feel humiliated by someone
‘ Dishonour is literally the act of being made gentle, or beggarly in standing or prestige. However, the term has much in common with the emotion of ignomity. Disfavour is not, in general, a pleasant experience as it reduces the name. ’
The affect being humiliated has on you is:
• Lowers your self - esteem
• Reduces the pride you have in yourself
• Made to feel inferior
• Made to feel infirm
• Knocks your personality
• Disrepute is emotional abuse
• Being bullied
• Being intimidated
• Can have long lasting aftermath on your gray matter
When you are betrayed by your parents
Patterns of behaviour
Your motif of study and behaviour are plain during juvenescence. You adopt these patterns by copying the behviour of those people coterminous to you ( role models ). If, however, you experienced the following in your own prime:
• Neglect ( physically and emotionally )
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• Ignored
• Isolated
• Never having praise
• Abused physically
• Abused emotionally
• Were lied to
• Private rampage
Then, these difficulties, you have experienced and absorbed, have formed the foundation for your seeing and behaviour patterns which will, negatively, affect your behaviour and self - esteem in advancement.
When you are betrayed by your body
We are living in a culture that promotes health and physical fitness. Your body image and physical appearance is important to you, and it does affect the way you are perceived by others. How betrayed do you feel when your body becomes mis - shaped, older, diseased / infected?
• Embarrassed ( spots, eye bags, hair loss )
• Shameful ( hairs growing on your chin ) etc.
• Disappointed ( skin sagging )
• Tearful
• Melancholy
• Boiling
• Hostile
• Frightened
• Worried
• Frustrated
• Unclean
These are only some of the emotions you experience when you feel your body has let you down. This is especially so if you have always, taken pride and looked after yourself, eaten healthily, exercised oftentimes, looked after your skin, etc.
It is entirely average to have some of these feelings about yourself and your body after being diagnosed as suffering from a resolute disease.
On a more positive note, if you are, or have, experienced physical problems and / or a sedate indisposition you can also feel:
• Content of the way your body has coped with the disorder
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• Grateful for your body’ s resilience and stamina
Making the most of your good constitution and flash yourself positively will have benefits. Betrayed by Society
You may feel that society has let you down. This can happen if you are:
• Unemployed
• Deficiency correct education
• Isolated
• Fighting for driver's seat benefits in uniformity to survive
• Worried about health - care
• In a inexperience band
• Marginalised by an unpopular, unacceptable sickness ( HIV + )
You should have the fitness of gaining suitable education and employment. If these two things are denied you then you will feel betrayed by society.
You may have experienced a long wait for an appointment to be admitted into hospital, or experienced difficulty in receipt a dentist / physiotherapy, etc.
It is important that you feel cared for and of value as a human being. It is the very essence of being accepted and attractive by others which forms part of the quality of your life. If this is not provided, by face forces ( society ) then you should take game and develop a way of recipient self - esteem by other methods.
EXCERPT FROM ' LIFE AFTER BETRYAL ' A PRACTICAL GUIDE
