“ In an open, trusting environment people explore clarification and pursue assumptions with understanding. Tragically, most workplaces are the converse. ”
Erle Wheatley - “ Structured Communication Builds Trust”
Some people seem to have an innate ability to connect with others in a spontaneous way and others have to work at it. But we need adequate communication skills to survive in life. Without them, we’ re at a disadvantage in many parts of our lives. We learn these skills from our parents, and sequential from teachers and friends. We repeatedly have gaps in our knowledge about communication.
Communicating plainly sounds like a simple engagement. If it’ s so easy, what holds us back? In successful interactions we recognize others and what they’ re saying, thinking and excitability. Then we can improve our relationships with each other and at last improve overall emotions in the workplace.
Forewarned is forearmed. Cognizant that workplaces are less than perfect climates, how can we find ways to work together respectfully? Being aware that most of us have gaps in our communication skills and that several personality types communicate differently puts us on warning that we need to educate ourselves in this area. If we approach our work locality with open eyes and some basic ‘ tools’ we can communicate effectively with our co - troupe. Here’ s how: study, listen ( no, really listen ) and respond. Undoubtedly, you’ ve heard it before, but now it comes with a twist: honesty. That’ s right, being honest with yourself and others.
Nicholas Boothman writes about four basic business personalities in How to Connect in Business. The types respond differently and miss feedback that fits their uniqueness. The dreamers, or image generators like space and options; the analysts make actual ideas work and need us to pament attention to detail; the persuaders know how to get ideas beneficial and like enthusiastic responses to suggestions; and lastly the controllers lock up that things get done and don’ t like to waste time. So it’ s no surprise that we need to stipend close attention to how others relate to make the wheels turn in the workplace.
Added dimension of communication is our delivery, or expression. Expression is a concoction of speech, body language, utterance and eye contact. Boothman says the most effective way to connect with others is to look them in eye. He recommends that we do an exercise: for one day just attention the eye redden of every person you right, that’ s all. This will increase our rapport with others and our confidence in our own abilities. Increased powerful tool for understanding how someone is feeling is to subtly mimic their body language. It’ s absolutely surprising how well we then sense the other person’ s feelings.
It takes training to put aside our own ideas, and more importantly, our judgments. We regularly arise to be listening when we’ re really not. Davis, Paleg and Fanning, authors of The Messages Workbook call this ‘ fictitious listening’. We do this for several reasons including preparing our response, inclination to be liked and not canny how to consent without offending someone.
Docile communication means saying what you have to say away to a person, not behind their back, and using understanding and understanding. Be certain to state how you feel, not how you think they feel ( use the tried and true “ I message” ).
Offering solutions to the problem and cheerfully acknowledging the truth in what they say creates a productive and healthy workplace.
Many people have written about the basics of clear, assertive communication. These impress giving our full attention to the person speaking, listening for the feelings behind the words as well as the content of what’ s being spoken and acknowledging what you’ ve heard. We can give thanks what we’ ve heard by paraphrasing ( i. e. restating for clarification ) and by giving honest feedback.
Complete messages have four parts: observations, opinions, feelings and needs. When acceptance messages, practice prayer yourself ‘ what do I concern? ’, ‘ what’ s my opinion’ etc. Setting out out some of the parts makes the communication only a imperfect lore. This may lead to misunderstandings. Enhanced common peril we may fall into by omitting parts of messages is sending invisible messages, or messages with negative subtext underlying the oral words. Try to snatch yourself before you convey mysterious messages that imagine that the receiver is doing of moment untrue. An original of this would be ‘ you work slower than a one - legged snail’ with the underlying tidings of ‘ you’ re too slow at your work’. When we count all the big parts the stated notice will be parallel with our underlying feelings and opinions. The news will then align with our non - oral communication which makes up 70 - 80 % of our interactions ( i. e. body language, exclamation and eye signals ).
The easiest way to communicate successfully is to keep it simple to avoid the common pitfalls. Pamela Ziemann, writing in “ Speaking with Your Authentic Voice” has a formula for communicating successfully. She recommends fully listening without formulating your answer; pausing for 2 - 5 seconds to breathe; repeating the question; then responding honestly. She stresses the importance of not saying too much.
Ralph Waldo Emerson uttered: “ To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something massed is the greatest accomplishment”. Part of trusting ourselves is listening to our intuition, or “ the power of wise things without conscious reasoning” ( Webster ). We have all experienced positive and negative intuitive or end feelings. These body - mind messages may come as hunches, thoughts, voices, restlessness or feelings of relief. Trusting reasonably than muggy them gives us more information to work with. This helps us communicate more decidedly and to know when, setting and to whom we should speak. It allows us to be more honest with ourselves and others.
Balancing our own needs with the demands of our jobs means communicating respectfully and honestly and creating psychological safety for ourselves in our work environment. When we speak and act from our core values we enrich our own lives and those of everyone we come in contact with. So go ahead, Speak Up!
TIPS:
Think carefully about what you’ re saying and why
Self disclose only if flush
Repeat questions, giving yourself time to ascertain your feelings
Check others’ statements twice to get a truer response
Follow your intuition
Ask yourself: How does my workplace fit my values?
Have some fun at work
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