It has happened to all of us at one time or in addition: our child does " one of those things " that indeed drives us deranged, and we wonder why?
Perhaps it was to stand at the head of the class on that first day of nurture and blatantly challenge the teacher. Perhaps we struggled in the cookhouse for two hours preparing his favorite food only to get a reaction of crying at the muckamuck. We stand back puzzled and wonder if there is something false with our child.
When we take up this with other parents we discover that they too share this dilemma. Is it a children ' s conspiracy to drive us silly, or as Bill Cosby comically refers to it, is it " brain damage "? Whatever it is, they have it and they are making us snatch it in the process!
What we are witnessing is a natural unveiling of both the child ' s individuality and inherited nature. Introduction to occurrence itself between the ages of five to seven and then more distinctly between the seventh and fourteenth occasion, it is the building block of your child ' s behavior for all later dotage. It is not jazz, conspiracy, or brain damage. It is not a defiant act or pure insurgence. It is not happening only to you or your child. It is happening all-over, to everyone. What we are dealing with here is your child ' s temperament.
The study of temperaments is nonbeing new. It has been around since the time of the Ancient Greeks. Most parents are not known with it seeing in our fast moving times bearings everyone has a product to sell or a procedure, it is easier to categorize your child as a " problem " and to prescribe a treatment or a capsule. We are pledged for this as consumers because, as a society, we have gotten away from taking onus for ourselves and our children. With our busy schedules and lives, it is easier to entrust our children ' s behavior to the " experts " as we busily go about our day.
If the child walks around with droopy shoulders and head hung low, we right away jump to the conclusion that whatever problem we have has taken affect on him. If the child is forte, activating, and forceful, we assume that we must have been slack in the area of manners. If the child is constantly snacking and foraging for food, we soon understand a weight problem. and try to keep snacks away from the child. If the child has difficulty concentrating on any one thing, we assume some attention defect and extent for medication.
These are not the answers to the problems we all face with our children.
The answer comes in recognizing and understanding our children and the four temperaments. We must pick up first and foremost that there is no good or bad temperament; each has both positive and negative description. All people have qualities and description that could fall into any of the four temperaments, but one temperament always dominates. The cold shoulder factor is regularly influenced by the physical build of the child. Rudolf Steiner wrote " As a rule, melancholic children are high and slender, the sanguine have the most usual build. Phlegmatic children nurse to be round with beetling shoulders, and those with a short, stout build so that the head partly sinks into the body are the cholerics. "
Once we learn a little about temperaments and how to relate to them, our lives will be much easier. It is even more important to note that our children will blossom in front of our eyes when they feel hereafter undeclared. Petty Staley in Between Form and Freedom: A Guide to the Teenage Caducity writes " The way we as adults operate to our children ' s temperament strongly affects the child ' s self image and way of approaching people and tasks. The basic rule is: Go with the temperament, not against it. The child needs the turn to experience the world through the temperament and in that way to achieve balance. "
The Melancholic Child
This slender child walks through life as if each step takes the greatest essay to take. She ' s recurrently melancholy with a soft and noiseless voice, infrequently finishing a sentence. He dwells on the negative and the suffering of fact around him. She appears to have the weight of the world on her shoulders. He seems so involved with himself that you may think he is mean. When you plan something ingratiating for this child, she doesn ' t seem happy and you may mistake it for a dearth of appreciation, but this child is existent thinking that like now it will be over and done. If you are in a expedite, he seems to take twice as long to get ready. I am blessed with a melancholic child and before I implicit his temperament I swore he was out to deliberately hurt me! He is perhaps the most amorphous child of all the temperaments.
The best medicine for this child is to let him wallow in his suffering. She needs it - - it is the very food for her soul. This must be viewed as a simple indulgence and not carried to the point of ignoring the child. Sharing stories of your own anguish brings you closer to this child. This child craves security and placement, and a routine or steady rhythm is very important. Prepare him for any changes and express your discomfort with the change in plans as well. Seize with his sense of loss. Reading stories about triumph despite all odds are very beneficial to this child.
This child is also the one who enjoys jocose sequel and silly behavior.
The Hopeful Child
This child is well proportioned and sunny. He is very outgoing and bubbly. He talks nonstop about midpoint concept to anyone who will listen. She makes friends easily and can play any game, even many at one time. She infrequently finishes a assignment before a new spark of inspiration comes and off she goes. He seems the contradiction of the melancholic, as when something bad happens this child seems untouched by it at all. He prefers to smile and stay on with the game. If she runs through the house and knocks over your favorite vase, you ' ll be lucky if you hear " Oops, sorry, " as she runs by. If someone is sick, her response is " Oh well, I ' ll have to go and play with someone wider then. " He is generally keen, thick, and forgetful.
Judgment is the key to dealing with this child. Get that the assured child lives in the fix and to best span this child you must convene the child ' s case in that drag. Long explanations stab this child. Keep things short and to the point. In decorating the child ' s spell, keep it simple. When requisition for help from this child, actuate things like setting the drink or checking the mailbox. Charge doing the job well. Keep punishments and discipline to a minimum, as this child easily forgets why he ' s even being punished. Most importantly, dig that the buoyant temperament is the one that most captures the true thought of immaturity - - a time of illimitable experimentation, energy, and hustle.
The Phlegmatic Child
The phlegmatic child moves slowly and lacks vitality. Most things are a handicap to the phlegmatic child. He is dim and monotone and generally askew for being trite. She has a solid bad and a strong will, but must be liable huge time to complete a job. He doesn ' t flip for change much and his angle is that if he is fed well has gotten emphatic sleep, and is cared for, he will be happy. The clog with this child is that she is too slow. Once her interests are keyed up, however, she regularly comes around. The child with this temperament is oftentimes the easiest child to raise. In the classroom, most children fall into this shooting match.
If a problem does materialize with the phlegmatic child, it is often being he just does not want to do what has been asked. He ' ll sit and ignore you and faith that you just go away. When you at last make govern eye understanding and physically help this child to turn he will necessitate. He takes anything literally, so be prudent about your choice of words. She will much do exactly what you ask but nonentity more. He is much very glowing, but appears slow because he lacks the moving time to finish whatever he has started. She tends to daydream a lot and has difficulty focusing. If you summon up to acquiesce enough time for your phlegmatic child, you will discover a very pleasant and happy child to be with.
The Choleric Child
This child reminds me of the expression " all hell breaking loose. " He knows his own mind and plows straight ahead. She doesn ' t legwork, but instead chooses to stomp to make her presence known. He shouts commands at the playground, at cram, at his siblings, and at his parents! She is pushy, demanding, and self - centered. She is much the forerunner of the suite. He is haughty and impatient with others and slow to accept blame. It ' s always the other person ' s blemish. The choleric child has no middle ground - - something is either right or in error, black or white. This is the child you note having the full - on temper umbrage at the playground or at the mall.
The best way to deal with a child of this temperament is to wait until the storm has blown over to try to deal with it rationally. The child cannot mark his behavior at that moment. He wants to be good and to do the right thing, but needs time to rural down before he can distinguish objectively. In that nearly every post has the freedom to become a battleground with this child, it is important for parents to choose their battles wisely. Create the opening to serve others and she ' ll do a terrific job if led to it in a positive way. Principally, he needs a source who will not be fussy to stand up to his will - - one who will following offer the big break to go over the event with empathetic explanation. Only then will the child let you lead as parent and calmly trust your keenness.
Each and every child is a marvelous human being with the whack to unfold into a well - rounded and balanced adult. What seem like desperate power struggles and intentional games played by children are really average personality point that have not ultimately ale purified or developed.
All children want to be loved and accepted. There is a lot to learn about the characteristics of each temperament and this article is just a brief introduction. Inasmuch as, I strongly suggest further reading on the subject for a aggrandized understanding of how each temperament works.
Once you give your child the understanding that he deserves, you will realize that your child is not drama against you or that he suffers from any brain damage. What you may find is how smart, pleasant, loveable, and capable she really is.
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